What is Respect? The bind of Social Goodness and the Pain from it!
I have always believed that my childhood was challenging, shaped by societal norms and the pressure to conform. Competition was intense, and excellence was expected. Mediocrity often resulted in punishment. Though my memories of childhood are vague, I believe it has made me stronger and more resilient.
I was always taught to respect my elders, and disobeying their wishes was considered disrespectful. These wishes can be just or unjust depending on one’s perspective, but blindly following them doesn’t define our humanity. As humans, we have a cognitive mind for a reason—we analyze, criticize, justify, calculate, and make decisions. These decisions should be personal, and as a parent, I want to teach my children to take responsibility for their choices, ensuring they are well-substantiated and accountable. But what if our decisions don’t align with our elders' expectations? Are we disrespecting them? Repeated disagreements can create distance. But is growing apart acceptable? What is the social norm? Is personal fulfillment more important than social fulfillment, or must they be balanced?
These questions arise within me as I try to balance social responsibility with my inner desires. Sometimes, social expectations are set by our elders rather than by a greater sense of humanity. In India, we bow down, touch our elders' feet, and seek their blessings. This act is believed to break the ego of the younger person and instill respect for the elder’s age, experience, and knowledge. Additionally, it is thought that the toes transmit energy, while the fingers receive it. In Western cultures, this would be unheard of; the norm is to greet elders politely and inquire about their well-being. Recently, in a hospital, a distant relative asked me to touch her feet for blessings. It did not resonate with me, but I complied out of respect for my elders, doing it as an action rather than with significance. Why must we adhere to these norms?
We have many norms and expectations set by our elders to guide us towards a fulfilling life. We are often advised to save and conserve for a better future, to spend wisely and be thrifty. But who has seen the future? Some young people believe that the money they earn is theirs to spend as they wish, sometimes clashing with elders who feel certain expenses are unnecessary. Shouldn’t the decisions made by young people, based on their own mental programming, be respected?
Another example is how we associate death with grief. Couldn’t death be seen as the end of personal suffering and a transition to a world with less pain? If so, isn’t it a cause for celebration? However, if grief is not displayed, we are judged as emotionless. Why does society constantly judge our decisions? Can our choices be independent of societal expectations? If we start thinking this way, we might become isolated, like lone tuskers seeking a resonant pack.
As a humanistic society, our norms are often more selfish than socially beneficial. We seek grief in death to fill the void left in our lives. We gain ego satisfaction when someone touches our feet. We exert control and power by expecting the younger generation to obey us. Our inability to relinquish control makes us want others to follow our directives.
That said, our elders have seen much and endured a lot to ensure a comfortable life for future generations. Their experiences and wisdom can help us lead fuller lives. Their vast knowledge deserves respect. While they have taught us to make certain decisions, as long as we are accountable for those decisions, that too should be respected.
This is just an inner voice that needed to be expressed. There is nothing compelling or unfulfilled prompting it. I am fortunate to have a wealth of diverse experiences, knowledge, and wisdom to draw upon, with guidance from two generations as I navigate life and make decisions that are respected. Mistakes are often forgiven, and the paths to correct them are shown as well.
